fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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