um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
