I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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