Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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