Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
