Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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