Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't put those talents on a resume
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
