I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
