I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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