Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
