Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize