We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
