She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize