using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
