Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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