You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
