im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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