you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
