I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
