so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
