I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
