it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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