My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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