Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
