I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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