Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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