why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
