Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
