We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
