Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
