About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
