I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
