did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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