I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
