She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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