Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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