really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
