Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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