I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
