I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize