I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
