if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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