Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
