You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
