All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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