2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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