he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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