when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
