I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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