Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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