Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize