Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
