Bisexual people are plain selfish.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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