why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
