even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize