dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
