How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize