My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
