she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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