one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
