I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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