You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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