I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
