From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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