I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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