I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize