drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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