So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
