He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
