We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
