i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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