The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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