Screwed.edu
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
