Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
