happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
3pm strippers are depressing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
