I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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