you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dicks are not precious.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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