Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We are two peas in an std pod
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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