He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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