I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
