i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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